Eureka :)
2 years, 10 months, 11 days, 3 hours, 40 mins. Since the very day that she told me she loves me, the day that I was happy to have someone that I know I love and who loves me. And after all this problems, heartaches, heartbreaks, I finally found the real reason why we met.
No one really knows why they break up with the people they love, or cared about. No one bothers to know the purpose of all the troubles of relationships. I think I finally understood what my past relationship was all about.
First and foremost, it was a relationship of beginnings, of “firsts”
She’s this quirky princess that has been living on the safe side of life. I am the straggler who made my own set of values, my own perception about things, and merely an agnostic.
She needed to be dragged into the reality of life, of love. That not all things are like the movies, or songs, that she has hubris as a sickness.
And I am the one who lacked the imagination, who always been the pessimist, the one who always think with principles but lacked the element of enjoying what I have right now.
Yes, I admit that the relationship was really unstable, I never knew how I manage to bring the relationship past the 2 year mark. but that is not important anymore.
In her eyes, I am this big fat bully who has nothing but facts, logic, truth, and delivers it the harshest way possible. I am not a knight in shining armor, and I am not the man of the hour to make her dreams come true.
In her eyes, I am this big liar, this manipulator, this psycho.
From the moment I got stuck in the crowded streets of Manila, and as I suffer the whole day holding back so many emotions, despair, irritation, sadness, loneliness, and all other blue or black emotions you can associate with the current situation. My sister never bothered to ask why, from time to time, as i intentionally act as if I was yawning, tears seems to fall out of my eyes.
As of the moment, I am trying my best to finish my job. I was only meant to be the one who will let her experience the reality of relationships, of men, of life, to grow stronger. And I am writing this with a heavy heart. I want to ask God why did he allow me to love her as much as I did. I want to ask my side of the story. I don’t want to believe that I will not get anything from all this pain, all this trouble.
I know that there is a reason for me to love her, and to continue fighting for that relationship, not until I see that it was already enough. That I am no longer needed in her life.
Well, as the saying goes, people come, and go. and they all leave a mark in our lives. I just wish that she would grow into the woman I wanted her to be, that one day, we can meet each other, he may have a man by her side, i may have a woman by my side, and be glad that she was a part of my life. vis-a-vis.
I don’t want to end our relationship with her hating me, for being a part of her life. That is so heartbreaking. If only I could find another reason to salvage us, I know deep inside I would. But life is cruel, and unfair. I don’t know if I would really chase her when the light is green, she may not feel the same way.
As I end this epitaph, I only pray that God will guard her for everyday evils, esp. as she goes on a year-round OJT. I pray that she will be able to look back, or look at me in the future, without remorse, but of understanding, that this was what really God wanted to happen.
As for me, I will continue to be a sponge in class, a body of water for my friends, an older brother in the family. I don’t know if I would still have another relationship with another woman, in the future, maybe yes, maybe no. Single-blessedness is a vocation too FYI. :D
Thank you, tumblr. for letting me write all this. Good night.
KAMOWN! :)
Galit na galit na ako. tanga kasi ako e. Sabi ko nung weekend, hindi ko na lang kakausapin, kakalimutan ko na, kunyare hindi dumating sa buhay ko na nagkaroon ako ng lovelife. XD pero hindi e. lalong bumaba yung pagtingin ko tae.
Apat na araw akong natawag na:
- Tarantado
- Putangina
- Gago
- Manloloko
- Babaero
- Maninira
- At marami pang-iba
Ay tangina ako pa daw ang nakipag-break. XD whow!
Ako? Ahh. Okay fine. I realized. I cannot bear with this immaturity, lack of sense, self-concept, and kahit konting… COMMON SENSE.
I cannot bear to see my children growing up like that.
I cannot bear myself in a house na parang aso ang gusto sayo.
Lalong lang napamukha sakin na hindi boyfriend ang hinahanap niya. Aso. Tao ako e, wala akong tali, hindi ko mapipigilan kung may mga taong naawa sakin kaya ako kinakausap, at lalong hindi ko rin kasalanan kung mabait sakin yung mga nabibigyan ko ng 4.0 dahil sa groupwork. HINDI.KO.KASALANAN.
TANGINA. GALIT NA GALIT AKO.
OBEDOZAAAAAA!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I DONWANNATALK ON FB!
PUTCHA LANG. SARAP MANAPAK.
GANTO PALA ANG REVERSAL NG MGA NARARAMDAMAN MO NO?
DADATING DIN YANG ARAW NA YANG. TONGUENAKA.
ASA KA PANG BABALIK AKO SAYO. ULUL.
GOODNAYT